Have you ever tried to runaway to what you thought would be perfect, only to find out your so called "perfect" is no better than where you last were?
I have.
In fact, I'm the queen of doing that.
There's a quote somewhere that says "Wherever you go, there you are." Sounds kinda lame and trite... but it's actually pretty profound. It's funny how we think we can actually run away from all the "bad stuff" and all our emotional baggage when we're taking ourselves with us! The quote of the year when friends were going off to college was "Oh, I'm totally going to start over!" ha Yeahh. You can guess that worked out well. If they partied in high school, they partied away in college too. If they couldn't keep their mouth shut about gossip in high school, they couldn't keep it shut in college either... and so on.
Without a definite, decisive decision to change their actions and what was important to them... things were exactly the same. Same people, different names. Same problems, different scenery.
I'm seeing that i've been making certain goals this so called "perfect" that i'm waiting to attain. I tell myself that once I reach that, everything will fall into place. Ironically, every time i've reached that "perfect"... it never is.
This isn't an entry that presents a problem and solves it... i can't solve the world tonight. (not that i do other nights...!) I just know i've been running... but in my attempted escape, i'm running back into myself. I'm running into things that will ALWAYS be a part of the world. I'm beginning to think chasing this "perfect" is like chasing the wind.
Proverbs 20:24 says, "A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?"
Maybe it's not about that "perfect goal". Maybe it's about how we're living out the steps in between... trusting God for each one of them.
I'm tired and can't reason more right now... just felt like rambling on this subject. More later i'm sure.
What are your thoughts on this?
Night for now.